The other morning I was startled awake to Max’s cries. He was sick and a mess so I sleepily stumbled in to the bedroom to assess the situation. After getting him cleaned up and settled we headed back to sleep only to be woken up by the alarm clock for school 20min later. Once again I picked myself out of bed and helped Lilah get ready for school and out the door in a timely fashion.
I’m not a morning person by any means. I’m also not a night person since having kids… I fall somewhere in between. 10am until maybe 5pm is when I meet my best self. All other hours have varying levels of exhaustion. Having a sick child just adds another bump in the morning routine which lucky for us isn’t that smooth as is.
As hard as these days can be I am actually kind of thankful for them. On these days several positives happen. One being that I am forced to slow things down. All plans get cancelled or rearranged and I’m ok with that. It also gives me the time to snuggle and tend to whomever is under the weather and well… one day I know they won’t be so interested in having their mommy wipe their nose or tend to their fevers.
A year ago on October 18th was one of the hardest days of my life. It was the day we had to say goodbye to my old boy Toby. In what had already been a year packed full of heart ache with the loss of our old girl on the 4th of April, finding out that our time with Toby was limited and everything in between – I was pretty broken. The thing is, to me, dogs are much more than just an animal. They are my people and if I being completely honest I prefer them to most humans. The unconditional love dogs offer us just can’t be replaced and so losing my companion of 16yrs changed me in ways I didn’t anticipate.
Two days after Toby passed away I walked in to one of my favourite coffee shops – Cake and Loaf (who knew 😉 ). I was trying my damnedest to keep it together but I just couldn’t. Tears just fell despite my best efforts to keep them in and I told the lovely soul behind the counter about my loss. I didn’t expect anything but what I received was irreplaceable. Sincere and heart felt condolences. My feelings were validated and I felt human again for the first time since I said my goodbyes… Really for the first time in the longest year of my life.
What this wonderful human did not know is that even before this moment she was already a part of my story. I had been in many times before feeling wretched on the inside but smiling on the outside and was always treated with complete and authentic kindness. It’s that kindness I received from her and some other fantastic staff that have kept me coming back especially on my worst days. Those are the days when they really make a difference without even knowing it.
Life moves onward and things change but we make these connections with each other all of the time. Sometimes they last only in that minute and others carry through for a life time. I used to think I didn’t really need a whole bunch of friends and maybe that is so but one thing I have learned is how valuable our relationships with one another are, both big and small. I know that my words and actions toward others really can make a difference because those of others have forever changed my life.
People come and go from one another life. Sometimes we are pulled apart and separated for years only to find each other again at what seems to be just the right time. Some people stay away forever while others never leave. All of these moments matter though, all of these people matter. They are part of our next painting, article or song – we carry them with us always in this beautiful chaotic life.
I never expected to find friendship while buying coffee but I most definitely did.